Call You Mine [Miya Atsumu X Reader] - tsumusamu (2024)

Chapter Text

You suck your teeth in frustration, staring hard at the last question on your Chemistry exam. You could swear up and down that you studied this topic just last night in your final cram session before the big day, but your brain just can’t seem to come up with a response that doesn’t sound like complete bullsh*t.

You will forever question why you are required to take so many science classes when your business major is never gonna require the ability to balance chemical equations or recite the periodic table.

A literal lightbulb goes off in your head as you finally formulate a reasonable answer. You glance up at the wall clock at the front of the room and realize you only have a minute left to write whatever you could onto your paper before time is up. Your heart rate picks up considerably as youbegin to hurriedly scrawl your answer as fast as your poor hand (which has already been aching for days thanks to the many final papers and practice questions you’ve been spending your time on) possibly can.

Not a second after you dot in a period at the end of your last hastily-written sentences, the bell rings, signaling the end of class — and your semester exams. One more semester of hell and you’ll be done with university.

After your professor collects everyone’s exams, you pack up your things and join the crowds of students in the hallways that are eagerly pushing their way out of the building and to the freedom of semester break. You just can’t wait to get back to your apartment and crack open the fridge to grab some of that delicious green teaice cream that Mika had made for you to celebrate the end of the semester. The thought of the dessert that’s waiting at home makes your mouth water and you’re so relieved that you can relax for a few weeks before the school starts up again —

“(L/N)! Wait up!” Someone jogs up to fall in step beside you. It’s Ryota, a boy who you rejected the affections of a while back. You still feel a little guilty about it, especially since he’s your seatmate in Chemistry and he always greets you politely despite the fact that you turned him down.

“Hey, Ryota.” You smile at him. He looks a little flustered as he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck with his right hand, eyes darting around and looking everywhere but directly at you.

“Um…” He finally looks in your general direction with considerable difficulty. “I just wanted you to know that… my offer… it’s still open…” Ryota trails off into a mumble and he stares at his shoes. “If you ever decide to — I mean, really, only if you want to — give me a chance, um, just call me.”

You bite your bottom lip, gaze falling down to the ground as well. “…Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” Truthfully, you probably won’t. Ryota’s a nice kid and you enjoyed working with him during labs (he’s usually quite the jokester and very loud during class, always making you laugh) but you just don’t want to lead him on. He deserves someone that’s not already head over heels for someone else.

You mentally scream at the reminder of thatsomeone else.You managed to remove him from your thoughts for the past few weeks while you were studying but now it’s all starting to hit full-force and you’re just not ready to think about the sticky situation you’d gotten yourself into.

“Have a good semester break, (L/N).” Ryota waves goodbye to you, and you return the gesture. You can see a bit of hurt reflecting in his expression, and you really do feel kinda bad. But you know it’s for the best in the long run.

You pick up your pace as you finally exit the building, now officially starting your walk home. There’s a giant billboard that looms over an intersection that you’re waiting to cross, and you only grimace upon seeing the familiar image. MSBY Black Jackals, ambassadors for Adidas.

The red hand signal on the other side of the street seems to linger longer than usual as your traitorous eyes wander to the billboard, drinking in the picture once again. You know on the other side of the billboard areMeian, Shion, Adriah, and Oliver; you sort of wish that was the side facing you at the moment. But no, Bokuto, Hinata, and Sakusa, each decked out and posing in Adidas wear, beam (well, in Sakusa’s case, glower) down at you. And at the far right is Atsumu, a wide grin on his features as he bites his bottom lip in what you suppose was an attempt to be sexy (you remember that you had teased and laughed at him for days after that photoshoot).

Your stare longingly up at his advertisem*nt, a knot tying itself in your stomach. You walk by this advertisem*nt every day on your way home, yet you still stop and stare each time. Right now, it’s a reminder that you needto find time to properly talk to him soon. This stupid tension between the two of you needs to be resolved.

Yousigh, tearing your eyes away as a pedestrian behind you shouts, “Hey, lady! Stop staring at those pretty boys and move it!” You jump, sheepishly ducking your head down before hurrying across the street.

You’re determinedly staringstraight ahead this time.

“Hey!” Mika greets you cheerfully as you walk into your shared apartment, tossing your keys into the fish-shaped dish that you keep them in. Atsumu never liked that dish, always saying that it’s creepy and —

“Hi, Mika.” You force a smile on your face, shoving the thought of Atsumu out your head.

“How were your exams?” She’s already moving to get her homemade ice cream out of the fridge, and a small spark of excitement ignites in your chest at the reminder of the treat.

“Fine,” you reply. You figure you at least passed everything.

“Oh, come on. Don’t be like that! You worked so hard, bet you aced everything.” Mika grins, holding out a spoon and a cup ofice cream.“Eat this, you deserve it.”

“Thanks.” You accept the treatand sit down at the kitchen table, eagerly digging in without another word.

“What’s wrong?” Mika peers concernedly at you as she scoops a portion for herself. “You just finished your second-to-last semester! You should be proud of yourself.”

“It’s not that.” You stuff another spoonful of ice cream in your mouth. It’s absolutely delicious, but you can hardly focus on the taste.

“Worried about next semester already, huh?” Mika chuckles. “It’s alright, time will fly by fast. And before you know it, you’ll be all done.” Mika’s a year older than you and graduated last year with a nursing degree. She quickly found a job as a nurse at a nearby hospital. Speaking of jobs, you really need to land a solid one soon in preparation for graduation. You’ve been digging through endless advertisem*nts for good openings to no avail.

“Yeah, I guess so,” you hum casually, glancing distractedly down at the tiled kitchen floor.

“Okay, seriously. Tell me what’s up.” Mika arches an eyebrow at you. “You’re acting really weird.”

“Nothing.” You finish your ice cream and take the opportunity to escape Mika’s suspicious stare by getting to your feet to wash your spoon and empty cup in the kitchen sink.“I think I’m just gonna take a nap. I’m really tired.”

“Alright, rest well then,” comes your roommate’s baffled voice as you quickly make your way to your shared bedroom, hardly glancing in her direction as you go.

You collapse onto your bed face-first, stuffing your face into your fluffy pillow before letting out a muffled scream that you’ve been holding in for way too long. Now that your studies are finally out of the way for time being,the elephant in the room is finally making its presence known once again. You roll over onto your back after a few minutes of lying there like a dead fish only to stare hopelessly up at the ceiling.

It’s been twoweeks since Osamu came to visit, and since he’s left you haven’t really been in contact with Atsumu. The two of you have barely texted since that day, and your conversations were brief and dry. The day you spent with him and Osamu after the whole embarrassing ordeal from the night before had been nothing short of ‘awkward as hell’. The two of you had subconsciously wedged Osamu between you throughout the day, whether when it was just walking down the street or sitting at a restaurant. You had come to a silent mutual agreement to not speak about what had happened, and like the very socially-inept children you are, decided to make it even more uncomfortable for yourselves instead of talking it out like actual adults.

It shouldn’t be such a big deal —except it is. You both know you were drunk (yet he doesn’t know that you meant every word you said) and you should’ve just been able to laugh it all off. Instead of that, the two of you have just chosen to ignore the other’s existence for two weeks. You’ve never gone this long in your entire life without at least a shortphonecall. It’s so bizarre; a little thing like that shouldn’t be breaking your friendship apart but here you are.

Several times, you’ve clicked on Atsumu’s contact, about to send him a message, before a sick feeling in your stomach stops you from doing so. You still don’t quite understand why that’s happening; he’s supposed to be your best friend, for God’s sake. And yet, you can’t bring yourself to say anything, too anxious to see what might happen if you do. It’s not like he’s tried to messageyou either, so maybe he doesn’t evenwantyou to say something.

You shift over to your right side, spotting your stack of textbooks sitting near your desk. You scowl at the familiar sight. You’ve had many fantasies about burning your textbooks in recent times but they were so damn expensive that you figured that doing so would go against your best interest. Still, as you eye the books sitting there so innocently, you’re having second thoughts.

You really think you’re losing it.

Just stop distracting yourself and call him already,a voice in your head chides.What’s the worst that can happen?

You suppose you should really try and put that night behind you; it’s been so long already and there’s no purpose in dwelling on it for however more days and weeks areto come. Plus, now that your exams are over, you don’t have an excuse to keep ignoring the situation. You sigh deeply, rubbing tiredly at your eyes. It’s time to actually attempt proper communication, something that you and Atsumu definitely haven’t been practicing for a while now.

You fish your phone out of your pocket. You stare blankly at the last conversation you had with him. It was from three days ago. He had asked you if you had borrowed his Black Jackals hoodie. You said no. He did not respond.

You sigh again before pulling up Atsumu’s contact pressing‘Call’. You can’t help but crack a smile at his familiar name and photo. He had insisted that his contact name be “THE SEXIEST GUY YOU KNOW” with a plethora of fire and smirking cat emojis, while his photo is a double-chinned selfie taken while he was pooping out a “fat sh*t” as he had so kindly informed you when he sent you the picture over Snapchat. God, you really hate him sometimes.

The phone rings a few more times, and there’s no answer. You let out a quiet sigh of disappointment; of course you don’t expect him to pick up his phone instantly every time you call but you just really wish you could hear his voice right now.

Your mind can’t help but wander back to a few weeks ago, and mentally cringe once more. You know you should’ve tried to talk things out with Atsumu the day after the incident instead of running away like you frequently have been lately, but you just can’t even begin to imagine the sheer amount of awkwardness that would likely fall between the two of you. One of the things you loved most about Atsumu is how comfortable you are around him; you’re way too afraid to ruin it.

You don’t realize how much time you spent laying in bed, head swimming full of nervous thoughts, until a text tone sounds from your phone. You hesitantly glance over to look at the message preview, and it’s from Atsumu.

Hey, sorry I couldn’t pick up. Was at practice. Can’t call tonight either, I’ve gotta sleep early. Let’s talk later.

Punctuation and capitalization?Your face scrunches up in confusion. Oh god. Why is he texting you like that?

Before you can start overthinking every single word of his text, you force yourself to shake the thoughts out of your head. That’s not important right now. What you should be focusing on is getting your best friend back. You shouldn’t be worrying about whether Atsumu returns your feelings or not, or if his texts are way more awkward than they usually are. You just want to talk to him again. Get things back to the way they were.

You decide that you’ll try to catch him at the end of his practice tomorrow. You can ask Bokuto what time their practice will end, and you’ll stop by the gym to see Atsumu.

You’ll try to make things right.

-

Bokuto and Hinata are waiting for you near the entrance of the gym, and rush to greet you as soon as you enter.

“Hey, (Y/N)-chan! Long time no see!” Bokuto claps his hand on your shoulder in a friendly manner, making you involuntarily wince at the sheer force behind it.

“Hi, Kou.” A tangerine head peeks out from behind Bokuto. “And hey there, Shouyou-kun.”

“(Y/N)-san! It’s nice to see you again!” Hinata grins widely.

“You too.” You smile warmly. “And hello, Sakusa-san.” The curly-haired man gives you a respectful nod in passing as he leaves the gym.

“Atsumu-san’s still in the locker room. Want us to show you where it is?” Hinata offers helpfully.

“Sure, Shouyou. That’d be great.” You follow Bokuto and Hinata into the gym and towards the locker rooms. You’re struggling a bit to keep up with their long, fast-paced strides, but they don’t seem to notice as they continue to chatter enthusiastically.

“Hey, please slow d — ” You lost them. How the hell did you f*cking lose them?

They were right in front of you, chattering away, and they rounded some corner and… disappeared?

You cluelessly look left and right. You’re inside the massive locker room, with multiple hallways and rooms designated for different teams. You decide to find someone who can hopefully give you directions.

You hesitantly go left, where you can hear people talking from behind one of the doors on that side. You pull down on the handle, pulling the door open with a too-loud ‘Creak!’

Ten or so heads turn towards you in curiosity.

Your cheeks immediately color, because you’ve just peeked into a room full of half-naked men with towels around their waists.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.You compose yourself as quickly as you can, forcing a polite smile onto your face.

“Excuse me, where can I find the Black Jackals’ locker room?”

“Who’s asking?” one of the menquestioned suspiciously. You bite your bottom lip nervously.

“I — ”

“Oh, c'mon! Don’t be so uptight!” A man with sandy hair steps forward. “I’ll take you there, follow me!” He smiles at you, but you’re a little skeptical of the weird gleam in his eyes. Like he knows who you are, and has some kind of malicious intent.

The man strides out into the hallway, still only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist, and throws a casual arm across your shoulders. You grimace, inching away.

“Do I know you?” you blurt out.

“You’re (L/N), right? Seen you with Miya before.” The male smirks, raising his eyebrows. “I’m Nakamura. Starting setter for the Blue Eagles. Practiced with your man today.”

“He’s not 'my man’, andstop touching me.” Your tone is cold. “Thank you for offering to show me to the Jackals’ locker room. Please lead the way.”

“Harsh.” Nakamura laughs carelessly, but takes his arm off of you. “Right this way, Ice Queen.”

You strongly dislike him already.

Nakamura leads you down the hallways to another door, but before either of you can reach for the handle it bursts open to reveal a very worried Hinata.

“(Y/N)-san! There you are! Sorry we lost you!” Hinata’s concerned expression fades into a mixture of confusion and irritationas he notices smugly smiling Nakamura standing next to you. “…What areyoudoing here?”

“Just showing the little lady the way to get here.” Nakamura’s shamelessly eyeing you like a piece of meat. If it wasn’t against your better judgement, you’d slap him right about now.

“Thanks.” You barely look at him. “See you a — ”

You’re cut off as someone pushes past Hinata and pulls you into their bulky, brawny arms.

“What the hell did I say last time? Didn’t I tell ya to never come near her again?” Atsumu sounds enraged, his grip on you unrelenting as he presses you against his bare chest.

…What does he mean by 'last time’?you wonder briefly before flushing.Oh my God, how many half-naked men am I going to see today…

“f*cking relax, dude. I wasn’t trying anything.” Nakamura is still chuckling, but now with a note of fear.

“Get out of my sight before I break your nose.” Atsumu takes a threatening step forward, and although you can’t see his face, you can tell that he’s genuinely furious by the clenching of his fingers into the fabric of your shirt. For a moment, you think Atsumu’s actually about to pounce on Nakamura, as you feel his muscles tense threateningly.

“Prick,” Nakamura sneers one last time.You breathe a sigh of relief as the sound of his footsteps disappear down the hall.

“Are youokay?” Atsumu’s large hands cup your cheeks and lift your face so he can look at you properly. Hinata slinks away to give you two privacy.Atsumu inspects you carefully, his chocolate eyes scanning you for any sign of harm. “Did he touch ya? Did he hurt ya?”

“No, no, I’m fine.” You push his hands away and wriggle out of his grip. You need to focus, and you definitely can’t do that when you’re smushed against his naked torso. Atsumu watches you with a slightly wounded expression as you remove yourself from your embrace. “He doesn’t matter. I came here to seeyou.”

Atsumu’s features soften. “Ya came to see me?” he parrots you.

“That’s what I just said, i-idiot,” you stammer out, face involuntarily flushing when Atsumu smiles that stupid smug smile of his.

“Right, ya called me last night. Again, sorry I couldn’t answer,” he says mildly, tugging his black t-shirt over his head.

“No, it’s fine. I think it’s best that we chat in person anyway.” Your voice is shaking a little, and you pray that he doesn’t notice. If he does, he’s at least nice enough not to say anything.

“Oh, no. How did I screw up this time?” Atsumu grins once more and his tone is lighthearted, but as his best friend of over a decade you can tell he sounds a little strained — nervous, even.

“It’s just — I, I just wanted to say th-thanks, for that night. When I was wasted in your apartment, and you took care of me.” You didn’t really plan well what you were going to say to him, and it’s clearly showing now and coming back to bite you right in the ass. Atsumu stares blankly at you.

“Uh, no problem. Ya always look after me when I’m drunk, so just take it like we’re even now, 'kay?” You want to slap yourself; although Atsumu isn’t gonna say it out loud you know he’s wondering why the hell you took time to chase him all the way over here just to saythat.

“So, about what I said…” You’re really digging yourself into a rabbit hole now; it feels like you can hardly control your speech now.Oh my god, shut the f*ck up (Y/N). Keep this up and you’re gonna end up confessing on accident.

“Confessin’ what?” Atsumu’s confused voice cuts into your thoughts, scaring the absolute living daylights out of you. You nearly jump out of your skin, eyes widening to stare at him like a deer in headlights. No way you just said that to his face. “(Y/N), why’re ya so on edge? Really, did I do somethin’?” You laugh nervously, shaking your head and trying to get yourself together.

“No, no. Don’t worry about it. Putting that aside, I wanted to come and see you. It’s been a while, so…” You ramble, trying to change the topic.

“Yeah, it has.” Atsumu is still peering at you, expression full of bewilderment. “Thanks for comin’ around— ”

“Oi, Miya!” One of Atsumu’s teammates calls him from deeper in the locker room. He turns his head in the direction the voice is coming from. “Coach wants to talk to us, get your ass over here!”

“Ah, I should go.” You quickly latchonto this opportunity to escape. You really do feel stupid. You took all this time and effort to come here and now you can’t wait to escape. You just can’t help it, though, not when you’re both suddenly emotionally constipated around each other.

“(Y/N), wait outside for a bit, then we can go out to din — ” Atsumu cuts himself off when he looks back and sees that you’re gone. His eyebrows furrow together in confusion, his jaw slackening.What the hell has gotten into her?

“Miya!” His name is called again. Atsumu sighs, forcing himself to push you out of thoughts. At this point, the only thing that can distract him from the odd situation that the two of you have found yourselves in is volleyball.

He’s not that stupid — he knows that there’s some tension between the two of you. Unbeknownst to you, he’s also taken time to consider how to resolve it. Unfortunately, Atsumu’s found himself just as clueless. Where does the line between friendship end and start to bleed into something more? How long has he been toeing that line with you, too scared to cross it?

In the end, all that matters to him is that he can’t lose you. Atsumu had thought that the way to remain by your side is to be your loyal best friend forever. However, lately, he had begun to question if this promise he had made to himself is what is going to end up being his biggest mistake.

His feelings are still there, after all. No matter how much he sometimes wishes they weren’t.

Sometimes, Atsumu finds himself almost jealous when he sees his friends and teammates with random people, seemingly without a care in the world. He can’t say that he’s completely innocent and has never done the same himself, but he always feels uncomfortable after the fact, because they’re not you.

Which unforgiving deity had made him give you his heart so early on, branding him forever with the blessing of loving someone like you yet with the curse of unrequited affection?

“Miya, why do you look like you’re having an existential crisis? Snap out of it.” A frowning Meian suddenly appears in front of him. “Are you okay? You’ve been doing this way too much, more than what should be seen as normal.” Atsumu quickly straightens up, clearing his throat awkwardly.

“Don’t worry about me. Just been feelin’ kinda rough, lately. It’s nothin’.”

He wishes it really were nothing.

-

“(Y/N).” You jump when Mika’s voice enters yourears, and almost cut yourself with the knife you’re using to chop carrots. You clear your throat awkwardly and set down the knife, turning to face your roommate, who looks very confused. “Are you alright? You’ve been really jumpy lately. Did something happen?” Truthfully, Mika’s been extremely worried about you. You’ve always been a pretty upbeat and collected person, even under stress. Seeing you look so detached and on-edge for the past month rubs Mika the wrong way. It’s just so unlike you. At first, she had chalked it up to you being concernedabout exams, yet you’re still acting strange even though they’re over now.

“No, I’ve just been… um, stressed about work,” you say, your voice coming out a few octaves higher than normal. Mika casts you a skeptical look, making it very clear that she didn’t believe a single word of your bullsh*t.

“Aren’t you taking fewer shifts during your semester break to rest?” she reminds you. You chew nervously on your bottom lip, letting out a nervous laugh.

“Right,” you reply, going back to cutting carrots. Mika thankfully changes the subject.

“What are you making?” she asks, taking a seat at the kitchen table to watch you cook.

“Oh, a bento.” You gesture to the freshly-prepared fatty tuna sitting on a bed of cooked rice already in a container.

“For who?” Mika presses. You swallow, almost stabbing your own finger again in your distracted state.

“…'Tsumu,” you say after a beat. “I’m gonna visit him tonight.” It’s been about a week since that awkward meeting in the locker room, and you haven’t been in contact with him since. The silence is absolutely killing you, and you decided to suck it up and go over with a peace offering:his favorite fatty tuna bento. You hope that it’ll be able to clear the awkwardness between the two of you and things could go back to normal. Well, as normal as they can possibly be.

“I’ve been meaning to ask; how is Atsumu? You haven’t been hanging around him lately,” Mika notes. You stiffen. “Alright, so you don’t wanna talk about it. It’s okay.”

“No, no, I…” you trail off, putting down your kitchen knife to rub the back of your hand against your right eye, sighing slightly. “…It’s kinda complicated.”

“So I can tell,” Mika comments dryly.

“This time, I just don’t know how to fix it.” You feel your shoulders tremble a little, and you quickly force yourself to calm down. You’ve never been the open-book type; talking about your feelings has always been difficult for you. Thus, when you’re put on the spot like this, it’s hard for you to open up.

“You’re both still in love with each other?” Mika quips.

“H-Huh?” You look up at her in surprise. “What are you talking about?”

“Even when I barely knew you back in high school, it was obvious.” She raises her eyebrows. “I saw the two of youtwicein my life before we became roommates. And even I knew you and Atsumu had something going on.”

“There was nothing,” you reply glumly. “You know I like him, but he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Oh,sweetie.” She gives you a look of pity, which only serves to confuse you.

“What?”

“(Y/N), honey, I thought you were smart.” Mika sighs. “Do I need to spell it out for you? Atsumu’s just as in love with you as you are with him. Maybe even more so.” You’ve already stopped listening, turning your attention back to making Atsumu'sbento.

“He’s really not,” you say . “It’s nice of you to say that, though.” Mika briefly considers slamming her head against the table in pure frustration. “I wish I had a relationship like you and Daishou-san do.”

“Believe me, dating him isn’t easy either.” She rolls her eyes. “He literally acts like he’s five years old. Sometimes I feel like I’m more like his mom than his girlfriend.” You both chuckle a bit. “I wouldn’t trade him for the world, though.”

“Yeah.” You smile, a little wistfully, as you sautee the carrots and some broccoli in a pan. “Maybe one day I’ll find someone that I can love like that.”

Mika just hopelessly shakes her head behind your back. “Something tells me you don’t need to look too far.”

You don’t reply, occupiedwith cooking the vegetables and looking as lost as ever.

-

You realize that maybe you should’ve texted Atsumu before you came to his apartment, because you completely forgot that you don’t even have a key card to enter the building. You can see the silhouette of the security guard lurking inside. The guard is big and beefy; could definitely knock you out with a punch or two.Don’t be stupid, (Y/N), he’s not gonna hurt you.You think about calling up Atsumu, but you, for some reason, decide against that notion in favor of walking up to the door. You breathe a sigh of relief when you realize that the guard on duty is a middle-aged man called Aito, who you’ve encountered many times over the years and recognizes your face.

“Hi, (Y/N)!” he greets you as he opens the door for you with a smile. “Here to see Atsumu?”

“Yup.” You hold up the homemade bento, which is nearly tucked away in a plastic grocery bag. “Surprising him with this.”

“I’m sure he’ll love it.” Aito laughs heartily. “Kid’s a real hotshot now, huh? All famous and stuff. I see his face everywhere.”

“Sure is.” You hum. “He’s worked hard for all of this.”

“Right he has.” Aito gestures toward the elevator. “Well, don’t keep him waiting!”

“Thanks, Aito.” You quickly wave goodbye before hurrying towards the elevator. You press the button for the seventh floor. Your hands suddenly start getting clammy as the elevator goes up and up and up, your heart rate speeding up a bit. You have to keep reminding yourself to stay calm; there’s no reason to panic. He’s your best friend, after all. He’ll be happy to see you.

Probably.

Him not saying anything after the awkward misunderstanding last week really did hurt you. Did he not care enough about you to even bother even sending a simple text or two?

By the time you arrive at the seventh floor, you’re thinking about closing the elevator doors and going right back to the lobby. You’re seriously tempted, but the weight of the bento in your hand reminds you that you came here for a reason: to finally resolve the odd tension between you and the boy you care so much about.

You quickly step out of the elevator and start walking down the halls before you can allow your thoughts to drive you away.

You stop in front of Atsumu’s door, delivering three hard and loud knocks. You wait for a few seconds. No answer. You knock three more times. Still nothing.

You’re about to knock again, when suddenly, you hear something that makes you freeze. A soft moan. Then a guttural groan. All followed by a breathless, feminine scream of Atsumu’s name. You can clearly hear the rhythmic creaking of a bed and a chorus of filthy words and curses spewing out from your best friend’s mouth as he pleasures himself and the woman in his apartment.

You take two steps back from the door, heart pounding in your ears, and the grocery bag with the bento slips out of your fingers and clatters onto the ground with a resounding and echoing thump. The noises inside the apartment pause, and you hear Atsumu let out an annoyed grunt.

“Ya need somethin’?” You open your mouth to reply, but no words come out. You just stand there silently like a complete idiot as Atsumu continues to ask for an answer. You stay rooted to your spot even when you hear his heavy footsteps approaching the door, his deep voice grumbling out complaints about being disturbed.

The door swings open, and you flinch, quickly stepping back even farther until your back hits the wall behind you. Atsumu’s in his doorway wearing only his boxers, which hang low on his hips, and his hair is messy and rumpled.

How many damn times am I going to see him half-naked?you briefly muse before a slight feeling of despair spreads within you at the frosty expression on Atsumu’s face.

“Who’s there?” His eyes are glinting a bit wildly as they zero in on your small figure pressed against the opposite wall. He glares angrily at you for half a second before he realizes who you are, and his features immediately soften into confusion.

“…(Y/N)?” Atsumu'svoice cracks a little as he drinks in the sight of you, dressed in one of his hoodies (which you had planned on returning during this visit) and a pair of dark jeans, looking as beautiful as ever. He’s always loved how his clothes completely swallow your figure; you lookadorable and… his. You look like you belong to him, when you’re dressed up so cutelyin his too-large clothing, and that’s all he’s ever wanted. For you to be his, and for him to be yours.

Even if such a thing willnever be true, he lets himself pretend at times.

He knows he’s missed seeing you, but the feeling finally fully hits himas you shift uncomfortably on your feet instead of running to him and tackling him in a hug like you usually did after a long time apart. Taking in your nervous and apologetic expression, Atsumu immediately regrets shouting at you;if he had known you were coming he would’ve never invited a girl over at all.

“Sorry for bothering you, 'Tsumu.” Your voice is so awfully, awfully small, and Atsumu’s heart clenches painfully.

“Yer not botherin’ me. Yer never botherin’ me,” he says gently, but you still don’t look up at him.

“Guess I should’ve told you that I was coming. My b-bad.” You take a deep breath, trying to keep your voicesteady.Holy sh*t. Talk about bad timing. That’s not his fault, though. I really should’ve checked with him before showing up.

Yet, despite your reasoning, a small flame of jealousy and bitterness still ignites deep in your uncomfortably churning stomach.

“Yer always welcome here, (Y/N).” His voice cuts into your thoughts, low and gentle.Atsumu takes a step out of his apartment, but quickly stops when you subconsciously brace your hands on the wall behind you, shoulders trembling and breaths shaky.

“I think I should go,” you say quietly, but before you can move Atsumu strides forward, placing one of his hands next to your headand effectively trapping you against the wall. Your eyes widen at the sudden movement, instinctively shrinking back a little. Your reaction causes hurt to flicker into Atsumu’s expression as he tilts his chin down to meet your gaze.

“…Don’t,” he finally breathes after a moment. “Don’t go.” Atsumu hesitantly leans in closer, and this time, you let him. You’re completely lost in those familiar chocolate eyes that you’ve loved for so long; they seem to pierce through your very soul in the most beautiful way that makes you feel so adored and protected. He, and he alone, has had your heart all this time and you know that will never change; not as your breath hitches in your throat when he moves just a bit closer, not as your heart rate increasestenfold when his gazeflickers down to your trembling lips.

Little do you know, similar sentiments are filling Atsumu’s thoughts at the giddy feeling of you so close to him. He notices the way you follow his own gaze down to your lips. You bite down nervously on your lip, a habit that Atsumu’s noticed on you for many years. But at this moment, it took every single rational part of him to keep himself from crashing his lips into yours.

You’re just soclose.

What do you want from him?

Do you want him to hug you? Comfort you? Stand in silence? Kiss you?

He’s willing to do anything to erase that worried crease between your brow and see you smile in that way that sends his heart into overdrive.

You’re not pushing him away, yet you’re not doing anything to get closer. Atsumu’s waiting for you to speak, to say something, anything to enlighten him on what exactly is going through your head. But there’s nothing, nothing as the two of you silently stand there, only inches apart,like utter buffoons.

A large, warm hand cups your left cheek. You don’t move away. Instead, you find yourself leaning into his touch. Atsumu takes this as a green light to dosomething.

His first instinct is to brush a feather-light, barely-there kiss against your cheek. You flinch a little, but Atsumu’s strong arms come to circle around your waist, holding you steady.

Atsumu’s lips trace softly against your cheek, drawing a trail up to your ear, where he whispers, “Why’re ya here?”

“I… I just wanted to see you,” you mumble. “I… didn’t know you’d be busy. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He suddenly pecks the shell of your ear, causing you the jolt slightly in surprise. “Like I said, yer always welcome.”

Stop looking at me like that. Stop touching me like that. Stop talking to me like that. Stop it. You’re giving me hope.

“I should go,” you repeat lowly, cowering away into your little corner of denial again; even after all of the pep talks you’ve been giving yourself for this moment, you still feel unprepared to finally face him.

“No, I’ll…” Atsumu pauses, eyebrows furrowing. “I’ll… take care of everythin’. Just come in for a while, 'kay? We can hang out. Watch one of yer corny kidsmovies. Think there’s still some of the snacks that you and 'Samu bought; those sh*ts never expire anyway. We can eat those. How about that?”

The shining, hopeful glimmer in his beautiful, chocolate eyes makes your chest ache with longing.

It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair. Stop getting my hopes up. It’s not fair.

You want to stay. You really,really, want to.

And you should’ve stayed. But your eyes decide to trail down from Atsumu’s earnest expression to his neck, which is covered in blooming, purple love bites. Something terrible in your gut justwrenches.

You know you have no right to feel this way. You’re just his friend, nothing more, and yet the selfish, horrible part of you reels in distaste at the thought of him loving someone else.Wants to deny the fact that your feelings of jealousy stem only from your own foolishness of not being able to accept things the way you are.

Why do you always keep wanting more when you know you can’t have it?

You suddenly want to run far, far away.

And, in your vulnerable state, you decide (against your better judgement) to do just that.

Slowly, hesitantly, you place your hands on his broad shoulders and shove. He doesn’t budge for a moment, as the force of your push wasn’t all too much, but quickly gets the hint. Despair flashes across Atsumu’s face as he backs off with small, wounded steps.

It’s silent in the hallway again. All you can hear is the rapid, deafening pounding of your heart in your ears.

Neither of you know what to do next.

You then remember why you even came here in the first place.

“I made you something.” You halfheartedly gesture to the bento on the floor, which is luckily still perfectly intact, “…I hope you like it. See you around.” Not giving him another chance to say something, you practically dash away, not looking back even when you hear Atsumu calling your name, asking you to wait.

You know you’re being unreasonable and overdramatic, but you can’t help it. You know that Atsumu’s obviously no blushing virgin, but you’ve never actually caught him in the act until now. In fact, you’ve noticed that hetries to keep you unaware of that side of him, but you’re no fool.

You try and ignore the tingling sensationstill lingering in your body from when he held you so tenderly just moments before.

You don’t even realize that you’re crying until Aito stops you on your way out of the building, asking what’s wrong.

“Nothing.” You plaster a smile on your face. “Goodnight, Aito.” Aito watches you in confusion; you usually stay much longer than this. It’s hardly been twenty minutes —

Oh.He briefly remembers when he had seen Atsumu enter earlier that evening, an unfamiliar lady in his arms. Neither of them had come down since.

“Take care, (Y/N).” And he has the same look on his face that many people have given you lately. One of pity.

-

Atsumu knows he should try to chase after you. Sprint down the halls (even though he’s practically naked) and catch up to you to wrap himself around you and plead with you to stay. But he doesn’t. He stays frozen to his spot, watching you disappear into the elevator.

A note of dread fills his body as his eyes trail down to the small bag you had left in front of his apartment. With shaking hands, he picks up the bag, opening it to reveal a bento. He recognizes his favorite, fatty tuna, though the clear glass lid of the container.

Tears suddenly prick at Atsumu’s eyes as he takes in the beautiful bento that you had surely spent a good amount of time preparing just for him. Perfectly-cookedfatty tuna (his favorite)is arranged neatly on a bed of rice. Carefully-diced carrots and broccoli fill one of the smaller compartments, while a hard-boiled egg occupies the other. The container is still warm to the touch (you must’ve just finished cooking) and the food emits a pleasant, mouthwatering aroma despite being packed away inside the plastic container. He’s a little puzzled as to why you suddenly would make him a bento, though; you’re a good cook but you rarely put your skills to work due to lack of time.

A small note written in your handwriting then flutters from the bottom of the container.

I hope this tastes good, and even if not, can we be friends again, Tsumu?I miss you.

Atsumu clumsily picks up the note, reading the message over and over, finally realizing just how much had changed between the two of you in recent times. Did you really think he didn’t want to be your friend anymore? The thought had never even crossed his mind…

“Atsumu, are you okay?” His fling for the night suddenly appears in the doorway, fully clothed with concern written all over her face. Atsumu just sighs, wanting to keep the awkward conversation short and simple. She’s a nice girl and he invites her around often, but they’re not emotionally connected like that.

“Yeah.” His grip tightens on the bento and the note.

“I figured you’d like me to leave,” she says simply. “That’s her, isn’t it?”

“Huh?” Atsumu’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.What is she talking about?

“(Y/N).” She grins a little as Atsumu’s mouth drops open. “You know, the girl you kept wanting to text when we were watching that movie earlier.” Atsumu grimaces, slightly embarrassed.

“You saw that?” The memory of him opening and closing your contact in his messages flashes clear in his mind.

“Sure did.” She playfully pats Atsumu’s cheek as he stiffens like a board in surprise at her words. “Call me if you need me, baby boy, but you better do something about her before it’s too late.”

Atsumu can do nothing but stare blankly at her retreating back as she leaves him standing dumbly in the hallway, homemade bento clutched firmly in one hand and your handwritten message in the other.

-

Mika’s not used to seeing you cry.

Sure, you’re not happy-go-lucky 100% of the time, but more often than not you’re not splayed on the couch wrapped in multiple layers of blankets and cryingyour eyes out.

She fetches you another cup of water, worry building up within her as you muffle your sobs with the blankets.

You had shown up back at the apartment much sooner than Mika had expected, and that had already been a sign that something went wrong. You had calmly walked over the couch, sat down, buried your face in your hands, and then let out the single most devastated sob that Mika had ever heard. That alone was enough to induce her motherly instincts to bring you blankets and comfort.

Even though she wants so badly to know exactly what had happened,she kept her mouth shut.

Mika sits on thefloor next the couch, drawing patterns on the fluffy carpetbelow her, waiting for you to say something. You’re sipping the water she brought you, eyes still glassy with tears and bottom lip wobbling. Your hand holding the cup trembles, and you quickly set it down before a mess is made. You thenburrow back into your little nest of blankets, shoulders shaking with each hiccupping breath.

“Why…” you suddenly mumble,voicehoarse and exhausted, “W-why am I so selfish?”

“Selfish?” Mika frowns. You’re far from it.You’re of course notthe mostgenerous person on the planet Earth, but never once in her years of living with you have you ever come across as selfish.

“I-I want him.” You hiccup. “I w-want him to l-love me.” Your roommate’s expression drops. No way… did that idiot actually reject you?

“He does,” she tells youfirmly. If the lovesick way Atsumulooks at and talks to you is enough to go off upon, then she has plenty of evidence. There’s no way Atsumu actually turned you away… right?

“Not like that.” You sniffle. “I-I mean like, aloveyw-way.”

“He does,” Mika repeats. You only hum disbelievingly, letting out a soft sigh.

“I d-don’t, I don’t want to c-cry over him a-anymore.” Your grip on the blankets tighten. “These s-stupid feelings I’ve h-had for him all these years… they’re j-just hurting both of u-us.” You really are upset at yourself in this moment. You know the way you're reacting to this situation is probably overkill, but you can't help it anymore; you've been holding down your emotions for long enough.

“You’re not selfish,” Mika tells you gently, but you don’t respond.

“I just w-want my best friend b-back…” You take a shuddering breath. “I need to s-stop being selfish a-and let g-go.”

“Let go?” your roommate echoes, not really sure what you’re getting at.

“Mika.” You lift your head from the blankets, your teary, bloodshot eyes burning with a new kind of determinedness. “Can you still find me a blind date?”

-

You’re nervous.

How could you not be? You’re about to go on yourfirst ever official date. Yourfirst date, in your twenty-three years of life. (It’s almost laughable).

“You look great, (Y/N),” Mika reassures you. “And you'reset up witha good guy, plus Daishou and I will be there too.”

After your meltdown over Atsumu a few days ago, Mika had quickly fulfilled your request for a blind date, setting you up with one of her boyfriend’s old acquaintanceswho happens to still live in Tokyo. The plan is that you and your blind date would go on a double date with Mika and Daishou to (hopefully) make things less awkward.

And perhaps you had expressed that you don’t want to be alone with some random person that you’ve never met for your first date.

Mika keeps reassuring you that the mystery guy isn’t weird or creepy or anything that needs to have you worried, but you can’t help but look at yourself and wonder if this is just a huge waste of time. It’s not like your feelings for Atsumu had just suddenly vanished into thin air; they’re still very intact and are taunting you as you get ready for your date with the notion that you might be leading a poor boyon.

And you can’t exactly feel great about yourself either after ignoring Atsumu’s texts from the past few days.

You figured you would answer him after your date, not wanting to back out of the arrangementbecause of your (still intact) undying love for Atsumu, but the messages still lingerin your head.

Can we talk?

Are you okay?

I would’ve been fine if you stayed

Did you get home safe?

Nvm, Mika told me you made it

When can we meet up again?

Take care of yourself, I miss you too

“We’re going to meet themin five minutes.” Mika’s voice cuts into your thoughts, and you give a small start. Shesmiles comfortingly, giving you a reassuring pat on the back. “And trust me, your date’s gonna feel so damn lucky. You’re beautiful.”

You stare at yourself in the mirror, uncertainty washing over you as you assess your appearance once more. The four of you are going a fancy, upscale restaurant with a formal dress code (you hope to God that you wouldn’t have to crack open your wallet to pay for anything because you’re broke as f*ck), so you had to dress yourself up. You’re wearing a royal blue, satin co*cktail dress lined witha delicatesweetheart neckline.A simple silver pendant (Mika’s) is clasped across your neck and a pair of open-toed, black heels sits waiting at the door. You had even taken time to do your makeup and style your hair. After only seeing your sleep-deprived, stressed-out reflection staring back at you for the past few weeks, even you have to admit that you look like quite the sight for sore eyes (literally).

All for this blind date with a guy that you might not even end up liking.

Stop being so negative, dumbass.

You’re not going to let yourself ruin the experience before it even starts.

You look fantastic, the restaurant’s reviews are great, and the guy you’re meeting will be amazing. You just have to keep telling yourself that.

Mika basically has to drag you out of the apartment because you can’t stop zoning out thanks to your overthinking.

Daishou, Mika’s boyfriend, lives in the Aichi prefecture, which is a good few hours away from Tokyo. But he comes twice a month to visit Mika, and every time you see them together, they look like the happiest people on Earth.

You can’t help but crack a small smile when she suddenly breaks away from your side as the two of you approach the restaurant, running up to her dark-haired boyfriend and throwing her arms around him. Almost instantly, Daishou’s face lights up with a fond smile, hugging her back before pecking her forehead.

“Oh, long time no see, (Y/N).” Daishou greets you with a friendly grin. He then gestures to a familiar tall, well-built man dressed in a sleek, blacktwo-piece suit. Your jaw slackens in surprise as the manruns a careless hand through his ruffled blackhair witha relaxed quirk of a smile on his lips.

“Nekoma captain?” you blurt, almost choking on your saliva.

“Hey there, Inarizaki manager. Been a while, hasn’t it?” There stands Kuroo Tetsurou, former captain of Nekoma High, grinning down at you, and suddenly, all the tension in your shoulders relieves itself.

You and Kuroo had met at training camps back in your high school days, and while you never became extremely close to him, you had helped his team run drills with Inarizaki and of course brought water and snacks when needed. You had also engaged in conversation with Kuroo multiple times during and afterpractices, and he was overall charismatic and easy to talk to. He was (and probably is) good friends with Bokuto as well, so you had spent time in the same circle of friends at camp with him. All in all, you like Kuroo, and suddenly, you feel so much better about this date. At least you wouldn’t be with a total stranger after all.

“Good to see you again, Kuroo.” You smile warmly back at him.

“Oh, didn’t know the two of you knew each other,” Daishou remarks with a raise of his eyebrow.

“C'mon,everyone who was involved in high school volleyball knows each other,” Kuroo points out rather sardonically.

“Shut up, of course I knew that, Rooster Head.” Daishou and Kuroo glare at each other for a brief moment before Mika slips in sheepishly and pulls Daishou towards the restaurant before gesturing you and Kuroo to follow.

“Reservation for Daishou!” Mika chirps to the hostess. The four of you are led to two neighboring tables a few feet apart from each other. Mika and Daishou occupy one, and you and Kuroo the other.

“So, why’re you here, (L/N)?” Kuroo suddenly asks you as the two of you settle in your seats and leaveMika and Daishou to be lost in their own little love world.

“W-What do you mean?” you stammer out, not expecting such a blunt question. Kuroo laughs.

“Sorry, guess that was rude of me. But last I heard from Bo, you were still dating Miya, so I was a little confused when you of all people suddenly showed up.”

“Huh?” You frown. “I was never dating Atsumu.”

“What?” Now it’s Kuroo’s turn to look confused. “You were never with Miya?”

“Never.” You groan slightly. “Why does everyone think that?” Kuroo is silent for a moment, questioning his existence. “I’m here because I just… wanted to try out this whole blind date thing. It’s new to me.”

“I see.” He nods slowly, clearly still not really processing your words.

“Why'reyouhere?” you suddenly ask.

Kuroo blinks; you caught him off-guard. “Me?”

“Do you see anyone else around here?” You raise a brow. Kuroo can’t help but chuckle. Even in the short time that he’s spent with you in the past, he’d already grown a friendly liking towards you.

“I owed that snake bastard a favor.” He sighs deeply."Plus he was annoying as hell and kept begging me.“ Kuroo changes his voice into a whiny tone.”'Go on a blind date with my girlfriend’s roommate, I promise she’s hot’ blah blah blah.“ You scoff. "I mean, he’s not wrong,” he adds as an afterthought after briefly checking you out from across the table.

“Kuroo, what the hell.” You flush involuntarily; you don’t know what to say as you just realized you have no f*cking idea how to flirt.

“You can call me Tetsurou, by the way.” Kuroo grins. “We’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Sure, Tetsurou.” You hide your flustered state with a shaky smile. “So I guess I’m (Y/N) to you, now.”

“'kay then, (Y/N).” His eyes flicker down to the menu in his hands, and a look of brief confusion crosses his face. “Look, I don’t know about you, but I can’t pronounce anything on here.”

You immediately look at your own menu, and it’s filled with fancy dishes in a foreign language — French? — that your Japanese education had not prepared you to say properly.

“Yeah, me neither.” You both stare blankly at the menu for a few moments, then burst into laughter.

“It’s okay, we can just point at something random,” he suggests.

“The cheapest thing, please,” you groan. “The lowest price I see on here is already gonna make my pockets hurt.” Kuroo snorts.

“Forget it, you’re not paying tonight, (Y/N). Choose whatever you want.”

Kuroo doesn’t let you argue further, but you still go for the cheapest thing on the menu.

“How’s life been treating you since high school?” Kuroo questionsas the waiter disappears into the kitchen with your orders. You sigh.

“Well, I’m in my last year of uni. And still very unemployed for the near future. You?”

“Oh, I work for the Japan Volleyball Association,” he says casually. “I actually saw your boyf— I mean, Miya, play at one of the games I was required to attend recently.”

“C-Cool.” You wince a little at the mention of Atsumu, which Kuroo quirks an eyebrow at, but you keep talking to distract from it. “What’s working at such a big and important company like, then?”

“Fun enough. And not-so-coincidentally, I still get to work with one of my best friends. Do you remember Kenma?”

“Of course.” Kenma and Kuroo were always two peas in a pod during high school, after all, so you’ve met and talked to Kenma a few times. Despite his usual unwillingness to talk to people he doesn’t know, he'dalways been pleasant to you.

“He’s a famous hot-shot streamer now, and JVA’s partnered with him to help further promote volleyball as a professional sport.” Kuroo smiles rather fondly. “Kenma hasn’t changed much,if you’re wondering.”

“Don’t think you have, either.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“Not really.”

“Well, that’s a relief.” You both chuckle. “And you haven’t changed either, (Y/N).”

“Really, now?” You raise your eyebrows.

“Yeah, 'cause you’re still in love with Miya.” You had been sipping from your water glass, and suddenly choke upon hearing this.

“What?” you splutter.

“You’re cute and all, but no offense, I have no intention to date you.” Kuroo yawns. “Like I said, the only reason I agreed to ablind date is because that slimy snake wouldn’t leave me alone. I was just lucky it turned out to be someone I knew.” You aren’t all that surprised or disappointed if you were being honest; yeah Kuroo is a nice guy and you enjoy talking to him but the thought ofactuallydating him hadn’t even crossed your mind.

“Okay, that’s fine. But what does that have to dowith Atsumu?”

“Why aren’t you with him?” Blunt as hell.

“Because,genius, feelings need to be mutualfor a relationship to work,” you deadpan. Kuroo stares at you like you’ve grown an extra head.

“You’ve got to be joking.”

“What would I be joking about?” At your remark, Kuroo’s expression turns even more incredulous.

“(Y/N), I don’t think I’ll be the first to tell you this, but— ”

You don’t hear the rest of what he says, because your attention had already been directed elsewhere.

You had seen Hinata’s bright orange hair first.

No way. It’s just Hinata, right?

Then you see Bokuto’s two-toned silver and black hair.Maybe the two of them went for dinner together just because?

Next is Sakusa’s head of curly dark locks.f*ck.

Meian. Shion. Adriah. Oliver. They’re all present.

That means, there’s then, of course, Atsumu.It’s a whole MSBY Black Jackals team banquet.

Your best friend, who you are currently ignoring because of an extremely awkward situation that had occurred a few days ago and who you are definitely not ready to face, is sitting a few feet away from you. Thankfully, his back is to you, because you don’t even want to start imagining what kind of cringeworthy things would happen if he saw y—

Hinata makes eye contact with you.

No. No. No.

You stand up suddenly. Kuroo doesn’t even seem all that shocked at your sudden rush to leave the table; he of course saw the Jackals file in and even let out a low whistle of secondhand embarrassment. You appreciated his gesture, but you need to take a moment and collect yourself.

You rush towards the ladies’ room, not noticing a pair of chocolate brown eyes that catch onto and trail after you.

The bathroom is thankfully empty when you walk in, as you immediately brace yourself by the sink. Your heartbeat is roaring in your ears and your mouth has run dry. You can’t believe you’re getting this worked up when nothing has even happened yet.How overdramatic can you get, (Y/N)?

You breathe in and out, deeply and slowly.Nothing is going to happen. So what if Atsumu sees you? Nothing bad’s gonna happen. There’s no reason why you should be panicking. He has his own business to attend to, and you haveyours. End of story.

Now get out of this stupid bathroom and the enjoy the rest of the night with Kuroo eating the random expensive sh*t that you ordered. Don’t worry about Atsumu.

You take all but two steps out of the bathroom before you bump right into someone. You already know who it is without looking up by the way they place a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Hey, 'Tsumu.” A gut feeling had already told you that this encounter would be unavoidable. Atsumu’s dressed nicely in a white button-down shirt tucked into a pair of black slacks, proper for the restaurant’s standards. As soon as you tilt your head up to look at him, you’re reminded of how weak you truly are, because he’s also wearing the woundedexpression of a kicked puppy. You’ve missed him and his stupid pouty face so much.

“Didn’t know ya'dbe here…” He clears his throat awkwardly."I was worried about ya. Why haven’t yaanswered any of my messages?“ Atsumu’s lower lip juts out even more, his big brown eyes filled with concern.

"I’ve been… preoccupied,” you say lamely, not exactly sure how to explain that you were trying to block him out so you could focus on trying to have a good blind date. Looking back, it now seemslike a very dumb idea.

“Yer…” Atsumu pauses, and his face contorts in confusion as he realizes what you’re wearing.Holy sh*t.It’s not that he doesn’t like your choice of clothing, in fact, that’s far from the truth. He’s always known that you’re beautiful, but here is just another reminder. Your pretty face looks back at him with an almost calculating expression, but he still takes the time to admire all your features, from your mesmerizing eyes to your cute nose to your very kissable lips (or at least they certainly look very kissable, because sadly he has never had the pleasure of trying). The silky royal blue fabric that hugs your figure so tantalizingly seems to mock him as it shines and shimmersunder the light of the chandeliers above with every small movement that you make.His heart leaps into his throat, his breaths suddenly turning shallower—

“On a date, yes,” you finish his train of thought. There’s a short, but tense silence as Atsumu is quickly plunged back down to Earth.

“With who?” His voice comes out more accusatory than he intended it to, which clearly throwsyou off because you immediately square your shoulders in a defensive manner.

“Remember Kuroo Tetsurou?”

“Nekoma’s old captain?”

“Yeah, him.”

“Why him?”

“Why not him?” You glare briefly at each other for no apparent reason.

“D'yaeven know him?”

“Well, I ended up on a blind date with him, andI’m clearly trying to get to know him.”

“Why’re yasuddenly dating? I thought ya were too busy to?”

“How is that any of your business?”

More glares.

“I don’t want to be mad at you, Miya, so I’m going to ask you nicely to leave me alone right now.”

“What? M'just looking out for ya!”

“You’re not doing sh*t.”

“(Y/N), yacan’t just date people that yahardly even know— ”

“Like you’re one to talk!” You’re fuming now, and you already feel that this will be a recipe for trouble if you don’t calm down in the next five seconds. “You, of all people, should not have a stick up your ass about this.” Atsumu’s mouth drops open slightly, and you can see a flicker of hurt flash through his eyes. Your heart gives a stir, but you know you have to stand your ground this time. This boy isnotgoing to call you out for being on a date with someone you hardly know when he—

“Ya can’t!” he suddenly blurts.

“Can'twhat?” you grit out, fists and jaw clenched.

“I…” Atsumu suddenly goes quiet.

“I don’t want to fight with you.” You force yourself to calm down a little; nothing good would happen if the both of you are so high-strung.

“I know.” A pause. “I’m… M'sorry.” Atsumu sighs, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants, his forehead creased with slight frustration. “You… you go andhave fun, 'kay?”

“Thanks, I will,” you reply rather brusquely.

“Really liked the bento by the way,” Atsumu suddenly mentions, as if he’s afraid you’re just going to walk away if he doesn’t keep the conversation alive.He gives a weak attempt at smile. “Was delicious. Thanks.”

“Good,” is all you can get out.

“Yeah, good.”

Silence.

“Well, I don’t want to keep him wai— ” you start.

“I love you, (Y/N).”

Silence.

That familiar feeling of a mixture of euphoria and despair washes over you as you hear that phrase from him once more.

And for a few moments, you want to believe it’s the kind of love you’ve always wanted from him. The warm, gooey kind that filled you with warmth the brim with affection and adoration. The kind that made you crave hugs and kisses and proclamations of devotion.

Back in your late middle school days, you always (embarrassingly enough) fantasized about Atsumu finally confessing his undying love for you before you would kiss, get married, and live happily ever after. That was before you realized that his love would come from a very different place than yours for him.

By now, he’s said those three magical words to you hundreds of times, ranging in times from when you share your food with him to whenever you pick him up from bars piss-drunk. Yet, they’ve never lost their meaning to you, even though you know they don’t mean what you want them to.

You don’t think he’s lying, of course.

If you could gather anything from the way he looked at you, a molten fire of strong emotion burning in his eyes, it would be that he truly does love you.

But you’re selfish, something that you’ve come to terms with lately, and that love he shows you is not what you want.

“Love you too, 'Tsumu.”

And you’re selfish enough to keep loving him the way you do even though you know it’s worthless for the both of you.

He looks like he wants to say something more for a moment, but he doesn’t.

You part ways with Atsumu that night at peace, but there’s still an unsettled feeling in your stomach as you sit back down at the table across from Kuroo. You know your problems with Atsumu are still not yet solved.

Mika is slightly disappointed when she hears that you and Kuroo are not planning on having another date any time soon (you had decided to not tell her about your encounter with Atsumu because she had been so happy that you were getting along with Kuroo) but she drops it quickly.

“It’s okay,” she had told you with a reassuring smile. “I’ll find you another date.”

“No,” you had answered quickly, not even thinking about it before blurting the word out. “I…” You think about Atsumu and the way he loves you. You try to convince yourself it’s enough. “…I’m really not ready, after all.”

Mika nods in understanding and pats your shoulder encouragingly, not saying a word, which you really appreciated.

Even if he’s not mine, even if I’m not his, it’s okay.You lean back against the couch you’re sharing with Mika, closing your eyes. You hadn’t realized how truly exhausted you are.Things take time. Stop rushing yourself to move on when that’ll just make things worse. You’ll forget about allof this someday.

You still can’t help but wonder though, how long it’ll be until then.